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Tuesday 10-19-2004 Just a quickie before bed.  I continue to make big changes around the house.  I got rid of the wheelchair lift during the yard sale form hell a week ago.  I just gave it away.  It was worth about $800 but it went to a woman that needed one.  I have a hard time caring about small pieces of green paper.  I just wanted it to make a different as it did with Betsy.  I guess I know that the only mark Iíll leave on this world is the difference I could made.  I hope Iím making one.

Monday Oct 18 2004 Wow Iím typing an update! Whatís up with that! Iíve been a little busy for the last two weeks.  Like my wires in my back room melted, meaning I need to replace my breaker box and some wiring! For that Iím going to need to cough up about $1000.00.  My favorite apples are now gone! I just love ďPaula RedsĒ, best apples Iíve ever had.  I finally turned on my heat today because my house was at 46 when I got home.  I saw two great movies over the weekend, they were different but good! Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and team America.  It look like the weather is not going to let me bike anymore this year, that sucks! Iím going to get some snow shoes & try hiking this winter!  Also I got a new computer from a friend. Itís has 4 200mz processors & a gig of memory.  Iím going to use it to add storage to my systems and do some number crushing. Iíve been working on my hidden web site I need about two more days of work to finish it.  It contains my final thoughts on something.  Itís not linked anywhere so donít go looking for it.  The only way to find it is to do a Google search after my site been crawled by them.  Iíve started sending some email by voice.  Iíve found a way to encode my voice with a compression of about 2k/s. At that rate a 10 min message is smaller them most digital pictures.  The cat hates me sitting here talking to myself!  Iím playing around with video as well, see the test below.  It still needs some tweaking.  I found a leather jacket on my cloths line Saturday morning!  My friends say it has the making of a good sci-fi movie.  So far the jacket has not tried to control my mind but the alien teleporter in the basement is almost done I just need to install the gravity shielding and the zero point field generator! Iíve been rearranging the living & bed rooms.  Itís amazing how had it really is to change things that have been in place for 10 years!  I found some things cleaning that have made me a bit sad; Iím fine; life goes on

[Test Video]

& Biggest hike yet 12 miles see pictures here ---->10-10-04 12 mile hike of FLT

more to come later to night I just wanted to get these up here

But for the most part I know that's a mixed bad of feelings Tuesday Oct 5 2004  I watch ďSuper Size MeĒ tonight and I may never eat fast food again.  Iíd say this one should be added to your must see list!  Below is a picture of Myau and how he only drinks now! The Freak.  He has a bowl in the bathroom sink and will only drinks if the water is running.  He sits there crying for me to come in.  See the water pouring over his head! Freak!  I think he's is getting senile.  I was looking though some junk mail catalogs and the following t-shirts slogans made me laugh out loud!  

They say I have A.D.D; but they just donít understand. Oh look! A chicken!

SHUT UP VOICES! Or Iíll poke you with a Q-TIP Again.

 translated: ďItís all Greek to meĒ

Freak! Freak!

& Monday Oct 4 2004 While I got a lot off my to do list today I still seem to behind on a lot.  The lender of a machine I put to gather for Marty is ready, bill are all caught up, laundry is done and all the dishes are cleaned.  I still have my up and coming yard sale to get ready for. A few books to finish & emails to write.  Iím not sure I like the way I have the living room arranged but Iíll try it for a week. I've made a major change to this site but you have to look for it.

 

Sunday Oct 3 2004 Today I hiked part of the finger lake trail that runs up over Kanakadea lake.  I only stayed on that trail for a short time then I decided to head out on my own.  I was lost for a while and I found a deer all torn apart & still warm.  Later I was a bear & 3 cubs across a field but I decided to run and forgo the pictures.  This trip was a bit of an exercise in frustration management & Iím a little lame at the moment.  I think that I hiked about 8-10 miles over 5 hours.  Ok I took my time but it was a beautiful fall day! Next week Iím going to try to go a 15 mile segment!

Click here for the pictures  

My hidden web site that buried here is almost done.  When itís really complete & post a key to let you in.  The encryption is going to be different then whatís below but I still think thatís it easy.  Hint Mind your Pee's & Kwees  

Time to read & crash

 

Saturday Oct 2 2004 Wow what a quick week! Between work and trips to Buffalo and Bath for meetings everything just flew by.  I canít believe that my last entry was on Monday.  Well I met my new boss this week; his job seems to turn over every years so for the last 5 years Iíve had 4 boss.  I solved a long standing issue with 104 laptops at work so my title as SuperTech is still assured.  Friday I went biking for the first time in two weeks, I was worried that I may have gone down hill. But I was surprised that I seem to ride better the I remember. Good for me! I did the unthinkable today, I rearranged my living room!  You see the house was setup form the start to meet the needs of Betsy and Iíve kept it that way since her passing.  I decided that it was about time that I made it mine.  It was harder then I thought.  Iím going to do the other rooms in the coming days/weeks.  I have Marty temp PC just about ready, Iíve sent him email as the fate of his computer but I canít understand why I have not heard from him.  I went to Rochester to meet Nancy for dinner on Thursday.  Afterwards I headed out to get a XM radio but I made it to the store just as they were closing, oh well I not sure I need more toys. 

 

Monday September 27 2004 what a long day!  Susan I should have continued to chat as about an hour into working with Martyís computer it went POP and smoke poured out of it.  That is never a good sign.  No repairing it now.  All thatís left is passing along the good news.  Iíve made some major changes to a part of my site but I not going to tell you which one.  It looks like my security precautions that protects this news section may have failed. Oh Well I have not said anything bad or that I would not say in person. No regrets just disappointments.    Iím off for a bit of reading before bed. Oh by the way; My doctor has ruled out cancer as a cause of me being sick last month.  She now going with a nasty Virus.  I guess that's why they call it "Practicing Medicine". So far I've been feeling great and am going back onto my diet & exercise program; 20 more pounds to go!

 

Sunday Sept 26 2004 The quest to remake myself is continuing nicely.  Iím trying to do things have are definitely in my weak areas.  But Iím also having fun & learning a lot.  My friend Nancy move to Honeoye Fall today; I know that is only 45 min away but Iím still going to miss her.  Iíve become accustomed to having her near by.  I guest one of my biggest fears is that we are going to drift apart & that scares me a lot.  Iím going to try to go up every week or so to meet her for dinner or something.  I went to the Naples Grape Fest today with Susan and her kids & had a lot of fun.  I find it fascinating how differently they see the world.  I was also working on Martyís computer today. It only booted once and is now dead in the water.  Iím not happy about that & I doubt he will be either. And thank you Elizabeth for you reply I really do appreciate it, I agree with you quote "Itís nice to be important, but itís important to always be nice.Ē I always try to.  and lastly there is a hidden page on my site with very interesting details  in it.  But you won't find it easily.  Google may help in a few months if you know what to search for.  It's my way of helping all those that may follow in my footsteps. & a thanks to Mickey for that EVIL thought on snail mail and medicines. 

 

From my web cam

 

 

Wednesday September 22 2004 

Sorry again for the lack of updates but things have been a little crazy lately, itís been a nice change.  I have to admit that Iím feeling like a fish out water. You see Iím trying to change some core things about my self.  Iíve been incredibility fortunate in my life that so many great things have come my way like Betsy, my friends and my work.  But Iím no longer satisfied in waiting for the next great thing to come my way.  I want to take control/ownership of what I am looking for and want.  But the real problem is that I donít yet have a clear understanding of what they are.  Iím trying to have some fun as I explore who I am and were Iím going.  But all of this is so new to me.  What I do know is that I donít want to hurt anyone in the process or get hurt myself.  I think one of my biggest surprises so far on this journey is how different everybody really is.  My friend Dave surprised my when he told me that I would never find anyone like Betsy again but I now know that he was right and that's not a bad thing.  Those that we love that leave this world would want us to find happiness again.  Thanks for your wisdom Dave!  I guess what Iím asking for is that you forgive me if I should make some mistakes along the way or I seem to be fumbling my way though this until I get me land legs!  Fish out of water  

I found the section below to be in line with how Iím trying to grow. 

Love and Zen: 6 Simple Secrets for Finding "the one"

by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

  

Have you ever thought about the way you take off your shoes? Do you just toss them aside? What if you paid attention to the way you do this every day? According to the principles of Zen, the simple exercise of paying attention to the way you do things -- like taking off your shoes -- can teach you important things about yourself, and in turn, give you a richer, fuller life. That's because Zen is about opening your heart, clearing your mind, becoming present and being exactly who you are. These are also the secrets of falling in love.

 

Youíre tired of being single or struggling with the same relationship issues again and again, it's time to learn more about who you really are, what you're expecting in a relationship and how opening up your mind can help you find lasting love. Get started with one of these six exercises from Zen and the Art of Falling in Love:

 

Look at the one right beside you

 

It's very common for single people to spend their time searching and searching for the "right person." Zen suggests that we stop running around and instead see what is right in front of our eyes.

 

Look at a person who is close to you in your life right now. Whether this is a friend, a potential mate or more, notice the ways in which you push him/her away. Stop doing that. Just allow the two of you to be together in whatever way you are. Accept everything about your relationship as it is.

 

Do the same thing tomorrow with someone else. This doesn't mean that you have to consider marrying every person who crosses your path. It's just an exercise to see how commonly you might dismiss people who are already in your world because you're busy waiting for the "right one" to appear. But the more "right" you can be with everyone, the more you can open up to the very real possibilities of the present.

 

Stop playing around with love

 

So many singles complain that they are not loved. The reason for this can be quite simple. They are so busy playing games that potential partners never get to know who they really are.

 

What roles or games do you play in relationships? What roles do you expect others to assume? Chances are, you follow a pretty clear pattern, but the question is: Are you falling in love with the person, or with the role that he/she plays? If you're not sure about your roles, turn them around for a little while. Try playing different roles. Experiment with someone who plays roles that you are not accustomed to. Notice how that feels.

 

The goal is to become aware of the difference between who you are and the roles you play. Eventually you'll be able to let the roles go and simply be who you are -- which is a Zen-like state of being. Who you are is always lovable and beautiful. It's the roles that get in the way.

 

Let partners come and go

 

One major obstacle in living a life of love is the tendency to hold on. We grasp and cling to each other, preventing the freedom of love from rising on its own. Zen asks us to let go.

 

When someone comes into your life, let him/her come. Welcome the person, whoever he/she is. Enjoy what it is he/she brings, even if it's only for a short time.

 

When it is time for a person to go away, let him/her go. Do not turn the person's leaving into an experience of rejection, loss or abandonment. Realize that his leaving has nothing to do with you. It is simply time for him/her to go.

 

Do this with yourself as well. Let yourself come and go freely in life, and don't get caught in unnecessary chains. The more you free yourself and others, the more easily you fall in love.

 

Put your baggage down

 

Many feel that love is not possible unless all their demands are met. However, these same people are repeatedly amazed when they find that these demands don't lead to happiness. Instead, the demands are just obstacles to falling in love.

 

What are your "must haves" for relationships? If you're not sure, write out the list and take a good look at it. Realize that this is baggage that may be keeping all kinds of people and possibilities away. This baggage may also make you fearful, rigid and closed off to what is available for you right now. Zen asks us to break free of old demands.

 

Try letting one of these demands subside for just one day. Notice how you feel without it. (Remember, you can always take it back again.) Then try it another day. As you do this many times, you may find that things you thought were crucial for your life were really getting in the way. The more you do this, the more light and happy you will feel. Plus, this openness allows all kinds of new people, possibilities and situations to start coming your way. You will have made room for them by putting your baggage down.

Give gifts

 

Giving and receiving are at the core of every relationship. When we are in love, this is never a problem. We naturally give and are happy with whatever is offered in return. If you want to open up to falling in love, adopt this state of mind and start giving naturally.

 

What gifts do you give others in relationships? What do you hope to receive in return? Now take a moment to consider what else you can give someone. Then give it. Do this every day. Each day, give something else. It does not have to be fancy or expensive -- or even a material object -- just something that will add to his or her day. Then do this with all kinds of different people. Zen is about doing this kind of thing quietly without great fanfare and without expecting something in return.

 

Do this with yourself as well. Take a moment to find out what kind of gift you would like. Simple examples are taking a walk in the park, buying a new lipstick or spending time with someone you care for. Now give yourself a gift each day.

 

Although this exercise is simple, it is extremely powerful. Doing this daily can turn everything around in your relationships. When you give, remember not to look for anything in return (not even a smile or thank you). Just give to give, with no expectations, no demands. By living with this open, generous mind, all kinds of other gifts come to you naturally.

 

Make friends with yourself

 

Many people say they are lonely, even when they have a partner at their side. This is simply because they have not yet made friends with themselves. According to Zen, once you come to terms with yourself and appreciate who you are on a personal level, it is impossible to be lonely anymore.

 

Make friends with yourself. Spend time noticing who you are. Accept all parts of yourself. Stop judging and rejecting what is going on inside. Be still and look within.

 

Start with this exercise. Pay attention to your breath and just notice what is going on. Let it be. Accept it, and return to the breathing. Understand that, breath by breath, underneath the clamor, you are perfect just as you are. Can you choose to be this natural self in relationships? Can you choose to have relationships with those who want and appreciate just what you are? Making positive changes in your life and your relationships.

Can start with something as simple as taking off your shoes.

"When you become you, Zen becomes Zen.

When you become you, The whole world falls in love."

 

Monday Sept 13 2004 Wow what a long day, it 10:33 and Iím just getting home from work.  I have not had a day like this since my time at the bank.  There is a lot around here I should before bed but this log entry is it.  Iím beat! Iím sorry that I have not been putting my biking miles down.  Iíve been distracted in a good way.  But this week Monday to Monday I have rode 120 miles.  Yesterdayís ride was only 12 miles but WoW; I was able to climb a few hills at over 17 miles/hour.  What I need to get back into is the weights in the morning.  Everybody that reads this tell me to get up at 5 & work my lazy butt.  Good night my friends.

Sunday September 12 2004  I was going to talk about what was going on that needed to be ďreacted toĒ but I wanted and still do do that in person . What I did  was exactly what she did to me on Aug 30 2004 but unlike her I did not say anything. But I will say that my actions were designed to protect me from getting hurt again. And was not an attempt to hurt her, that is not what I'm about.  For someone that said she wanted my friendship at the begin and end of what we had she had a funny way of showing it.  I hope she grows as I would like to count her as a friend, but she has to make an effort to be a friend in order make up for the hurt she has caused me in the last two months.  I hate letting go as I have made every effort to be her friend.  She say so herself in her guestbook entry on 6/19/2004 10:07:24 PM.  But I canít be then only one making an effort.  This will be the last time I talk about it.  I just hope that one day she see the value of keeping friendships.  

I road 30 miles this Saturday and did a 5 mile hike today.  I've gotten myself in a bit of trouble this weekend but I'm having fun with it.  For the first time I leaped before looking. I hope I'm up for the challenge!

&&   Sat Morning Sept 11 2002 I feel great!  My reaction to the incident is working; I'll tell you about it later.  but here is song I love!.  I'm adopting it as my theme song. l8er Frank

 

 

The Bonzo Dog Band; I'm the Urban Spaceman

 

[Audio]

I'm The Urban Spaceman 
I'm the urban spaceman baby, I've got speed 
I've got everything I need 
I'm the urban spaceman baby, I can fly 
I'm a supersonic guy

I don't need pleasure
I don't feel pain
If you were to knock me down
I'd just get up again
I'm the urban spaceman babe and 
I'm making out 
I'm all about 

I wake up every morning 
with a smile upon my face 
My natural exuberance
spills out all over the place 
I'm the urban spaceman
I'm intelligent and clean 
Know what I mean? 

I'm the urban spaceman, as a lover second to none 
It's a lot of fun 

I never let my friends down
I've never made a boob 
I'm a glossy magazine
an advert in the tube 
I'm the urban spaceman babe, but here comes the twist 
I don't exist 

Monday September 6 2004 Sorry for the lack of updates but itís been a busy week and some of it not good. I lost 4 more pounds and am still feeling good, my doctor wants to give me two more weeks before deciding to do the biopsy or not. You know the old adage ďFor every action there is an equal but opposite reactionĒ, Well someone that I cared for took another action against me this week. & I got hurt AGAIN. Well I had to react to it & what I did was VERY equal. Iíd like to say a lot more but I have no wish to hurt anyone with my words or actions, I have worked hard at keeping a friendship and am disappointed that it has not been returned. We repe what we sow in this world and I donít want a bitter harvest. Below are the pictures from my last two rides, Check out the mud on Nancyís butt. I sent a single to ďRedĒ to deactivate it self as it had stopped growing, this was a very informative experiment. Today I went to Rochester with Susan and her kids and had a really good time. I also joined the ICQ network with the ID of 940-39-370 and bought Pikmin 2 this week. Iíve already completed 52% of the game. I'm working on getting a web cam running on server, I guess that means no more working in my underwear. Too Linda and Shawn I intent to get to the rest of my email tomorrow; Sorry.

9-6-2004 I rode Greenway trail from Cuylerville to Avon

8-24-2004 I rode the Ontario pathways trail

 

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Remember Yahoo IM & my last 2 emails of August 2004?

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Tue Aug 31 2004 A lot has happed in the last two days. I sought out the advice of the wisest man I know. And like so many times before the pearls of his knowledge seems to light the way. Thanks Dave. I know that Iím blessed with many good friends. I still have the pictures to put up form my last bike trip but Iíve been spending my time seeing family & friends for the last two days. The diet is still going well but Iím not going to weigh my self until Friday. Still no more news on the cancer thing, Iím going to ask my doctor to do the biopsy anyway as I want to put an end to this. It looks like the problem with my site is now fixed Iíd go into more detail but Iíd put you to sleep. Sleep! Wow itís past my bed time. Nighty night.
Saturday Aug 28 2004 [300 pushup; 300 situps; weights and a 24 mile bike ride; 2 bananas; 1 turkey sandwich; 1 chicken sandwich; 1 pieces of pecan pie] Short entry tonight as I really over did it today. Iíll put the picture form my ride up tomorrow. It looks like some people can't get to my page at the moment.  From what I can tell it looks like A name resolution issue, but I need to be at one of the machines to tell for sure.

Friday Aug 27 2004  [Sort of it was a bad day for the exercise & diet, I did none and had pizza & wings & beer but too much But Iím going to make up for it today]  My project ďredĒ has continued to grow and is still reporting back to me with new information daily. 

Thursday Aug 26 2004 [100 sit-ups 100 pushup 15 mile ride and 20 minutes of weights, 2 bananas some fat free popcorn 1/2 peanut & jam sandwich a hot dog & a stuff pepper] I feel better today then I have all summer; I have to be getting better.  I have not been doing this good in over 5 years.  Clothes that I had to put up now fit fine & Iím riding like a bat out of hell.  I did do something last night that is very unlike me actuality two things but Iím going to be vague. One was personal; I made a change to reflect that Iím still losing weight alothough I said that I'd never do it.  The other started as an experimental piece of code I wrote called ďRedĒ that got out of hand but nobody got hurt & I learned so very much from it & I have high hopes to do more with it. I have a sixth sense that something weird is afoot but I canít seem to put my finger on it.  My tomatoes are getting ripe & I have a lot of them.  Iím working on a new page or two to reflect my new outlook on life but they may not be up until after Sunday.  I also made a decision that has completely lifted my depression. I'm going to try to do a big ride this weekend over 40 miles wish me luck.

Wednesday Aug 25 2004 [14 miles & 20 min of weights, had a big breakfast at work eggs sausage bacon hash browns a roll watermelon, for supper I had a low fat turkey sandwich and thatís it!]  Iíd have to say that today I felt almost 100%, I rode like a bat out of hell today. Even a strong wind & monster hill did not slow me down. Remember that Iím looking for a biking partner if youíd like to go riding with me. Not much else to report.

Tuesday Aug 24 2004 [16 miles, 1 banana, 2 turkey sandwiches and one stuffed pepper and a piece of potato and only water]  My recent blood tests show that things are getting back to normal but Iím not out of the forest yet.  I have more tests to come & if things arenít a lot better by Friday I guess Iím going to have a lymphoid biopsy. Wow that sounds like fun.  There was some bad news as I had promised my doctor that I would eat better as a result I did not lose my normal 5-6 pounds last week I only lost 3.  With that being said I want to draw your attention to the stuff in the brackets after the date.  This info is what exercising I did & what I ate today.  To help me get more serious & to guilt me in to working on this more Iím going to post it here so that I can look back & see how Iím doing.  I found out that my doctor scale is ten pounds more then mine if that is true then I have 37 more pounds to go instead of 27.  Iím going get the opinion of a third scale soon.  And there is some great new to report.  The universe seems to have thrown me a couple of bones or should I say that some things are afoot.  Iím not going to go into detail other then to say they are good!  Well Iím off to bed as I have to get up at 4:00 to head into buffalo in the morning & need to be there by eight.

&& Monday Aug 23 2004 I got an anonymous email from a weird hotmail account today with a juicy piece of gossip that I was able to confirm (Sort of that is). All Iím going to say is that ďwhat goes around comes aroundĒ.  But Iím taking no pleasure in it.  I was able to do 100 push up and sit-ups today as well as lift some weights it feels good to be getting my health back. Iím sure more tests are coming this week as I have an appointment Wednesday.

&& Sunday Aug 22 2004 thanks you Marty for being honest with me, I needed that.  Actually thanks to everyone who has supported me for the last month or so while Iíve dealt with my depression & illness.   Just for fun I created an E-Harmony profile this weekend. And after about two hours of filling it out I went to look at my matches and I could not find anybody for me in a 250 mile radius! That really sucks!  I posted it in the About me section and you can read it from here.  Today I also wend on a bike ride with my friends Dave & Don to the Outlet trail; see the pictures here. Iím still feeling better each day but Iím not where I want to be.  My good friend Joe Farham stopped by to chat tonight it was great seeing him.  And I got a hug from a girl from my graduating class Saturday night, but I think that she is with someone; Dam!  

Friday Aug 20 2004 WOW. I should have listened to my doctors advice and take it easy for a while longer. Yesterdayís excursion not only wiped me out on Thursday but also left me really hurting today.  Iíve spent the whole evening sleeping form around 5:30p till just now about 11:30p.  I havenít done anything constructive at home today at all like the bills I have to pay or the dishes or folding laundry. Donít worry Shawn your hard drive is in the freezer & Iíll do my best.  I have received a really touching email from a friend that I going to respond to tomorrow morning.  Thanks you Susan that was really kind of you.  I hope after all this rest some of my strength returns in force.  Iíve talked to several people about the survivable of lymphoma and I know donít see it as a possible death sentence. If you asked me two weeks ago on Saturday Aug 7th I would have said that I have not felt this good in years.  Also news worthy is the fact that in the last two days Iíve had over 700 visits to my site here; thank you all whoever you my be.  Well its time for bed. Night nite my fare readers.

Thursday Aug 19 2004 I kind of over did it today 15 miles on the bike & a 3 mile walk all after a long day at work. I just want to be were I was two weeks ago. I really should be answering emails but Iím going to bed early.  30 pounds to go to meet my goal & at my average of 5 pound a week I should be there in no time.  My depression seems better as well.

Wednesday Aug 18 2004 Iím Still tired but no real news on that front.  Good news though is that in the last month Iíve lost over 20 pounds.  Depending on the scale Iím using (mine or my doctors) I have 10-15 pounds to go to meet my short term goal. To date Iíve lost a total of 43 pounds.  Iíve also recently had a revelation as to way Iíve been depressed lately.  But I wonít post the reason  here but if  you ask me in person Iíd be glad to tell you.  Hopefully knowing will help me deal & protect my self from it.  More good new is this really hot girl went out of her way go smile at me today while I was bike riding.  That felt good.  While searching for web clip art I ran across this site,  it makes me  think people have too much time on there hands

Monday Aug 16 2004 To say the least Iím a little scared. While Iím feeling better & doctor say she has a hunch that this will turn out to be just a reaction to a virus. She needed to tell me that there is a potential for lymphoma or cancer of the blood. She wants to do blood tests ever couple of days to see if my white count continues to rise.  Iím going to try to not worry as these never come on this fast.

Friday Aug 13 2004 Still trapped in my home.  I just added a new section to Betsy's page called "The Cure".  I've Spent some of my time today working on adding a description to the pictures in Betsy's page.  It's is a bit taxing as those are all good memories & it makes me miss her all over again. 

Thursday Aug 12 2004 Here is a little word game. Itís a four-letter word; itís often used to describe a woman; it ends in unt; I currently know someone I call by this word; have you guessed it yet?  For the answer read on.

But my doctor has asked me to avoid any human contact for the next 4 or five days.  I have been feeling tired & weak for the last few days & I went to my doctor yesterday.  Tests show that my white cell count is just 1% of normal.  Normal is 10,000 parts/ml but mine is 186 p/ml. So at the moment I basically donít have an immune system. My doc is just worried that if I get exposed to something that I would be unable to fight it off.  Iím still tired although I think I feel better. So you want the answer to my little puzzle do you? Well OK. The previous mentioned word is Aunt. If you came up with a different word then you have a dirty mind! Good for you.

Iím still playing Doom3.  God the game is scary as hell.  Iíve recently found the pump shotgun which is a blast. But not being able to use a flash light & a weapon is a pain in the ass.  So Iím going to apply the duck tape mod that tape a flashlight to two of my weapons.

I had the most erotica dream last night.  Wow.  Of all the dreams that I remember I am so glad that one is with me.  In the dream I wake with the most attractive woman I have ever met next to me. And yes I do know her & talked to last week but Iím not going to put her name here as her husband would not be happy that Iím dreaming of his wife.  Lucky bastard.  I also watch her undressed & took a shower with her.  Wow; Iím set for a while.

Alone & trapped in my home for 5 days; this really fucking sucks! So far Iíve entertained my self by watching ďGroundhog DayĒ 4 times, Iím shooting for twenty.

Vs vg vf urnygul vg jvyy tebj

 

Tuesday Aug 10 2004 Today my web site was visited by two different crawlers Exciteís and Lycosís.  This means that the info in my site will soon be searchable from these search engines.  So I took there lead and submitted my site to every search engine I could think of. I wonít tell you why I find this exciting.   Today was also my brotherís birthday but of course I did not remember it while I was talking to him.  Iím still sick & called in today but at least Iím now sleeping. 

Monday Aug 9 2004 Iím still sick, I thought that it was over last night. But I was a way wrong.  Its times like this that I hate being alone most of all.  Betsy always felt guilty that she couldnít take care of me when I was sick but having her here gave me great comfort.  There a big part of me that wants to run out and find another relationship to fill the void in my life it would be easier to lose myself in somebody else then to take care of me first . But that didnít work the last time.  I think that I need to look to myself for my own happiness. & I wish the same for Miranda.

Sunday Aug. 8 2004 got sick over the weekend and spent most of it sleeping about 15 hours a day.  WOW was I tired; I had to force myself to pay bills & do some laundry.  All in all the weekend was a total wash.  And tomorrow I have to go to Buffalo for a staff meeting, more wasted time.  I go twice a year for that last five years and they do the same things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. On a positive note Iím finely going to get my copy of Doom III on my way home.  I was so proud of myself for fixing the flat tire on my bike only to wake up today to find it flat again. 

I would like to ask a favor of my visitors coming to this site.  If have not done so already please take the time to sign my guestbook.  Today some one from Arizona stopped by to look at all the stuff I have in Betsyís page.  Her auntís family is out in Arizona but it would be nice to know who was here.

 

Wednesday Aug 4 2004  it was time for a new news file and some underlying structure changes. As always old news it to the left.  I wanted to talk about the blocks of hexadecimal numbers that have appeared here in the past.  What are they?  Well there are things that are on my mind from time to time. I chose to encrypt them so that my most private thoughts are protected. So the question thatís begs to be asked is how do you read them?? Well Iím not going to give away all of the secrets but here is some info.

 

I take the ASCII text & some times send it though a Rot13 process.  That rotates a letter 13 places right or left in the alphabet.

 

Some times I convert it to EBCDIC that IBMís version of ASCII. ASCII was not good enough for IBM.

 

Then there is the nybble swapping. a half a byte (4 bits). For example 5E would become E5.

 

And maybe something special.

 

Or all of the above. After all that I post it here as a block of hex.  All in all itís pretty easy.

 For Example

polly owned one little sheep
its fleece shone white like snow
every region where polly went
the sheep did surely go
he followed her to school one time
which broke the rigid rule
the children frolicked in their room
to see the sheep in school

 

Becomes this after rot 13

 

cbyyl bjarq bar yvggyr furrc

vgf syrrpr fubar juvgr yvxr fabj

rirel ertvba jurer cbyyl jrag

gur furrc qvq fheryl tb

ur sbyybjrq ure gb fpubby bar gvzr

juvpu oebxr gur evtvq ehyr

gur puvyqera sebyvpxrq va gurve ebbz

gb frr gur furrc va fpubby

 

becomes this as Hex

 

0000: 63 62 79 79 6C 20 62 6A 61 72 71 20 62 61 72 20   cbyyl bjarq bar

0010: 79 76 67 67 79 72 20 66 75 72 72 63 0D 0A 76 67   yvggyr furrc..vg

0020: 66 20 73 79 72 72 70 72 20 66 75 62 61 72 20 6A   f syrrpr fubar j

0030: 75 76 67 72 20 79 76 78 72 20 66 61 62 6A 0D 0A   uvgr yvxr fabj..

0040: 72 69 72 65 6C 20 65 72 74 76 62 61 20 6A 75 72   rirel ertvba jur

0050: 65 72 20 63 62 79 79 6C 20 6A 72 61 67 0D 0A 67   er cbyyl jrag..g

0060: 75 72 20 66 75 72 72 63 20 71 76 71 20 66 68 65   ur furrc qvq fhe

0070: 72 79 6C 20 74 62 0D 0A 75 72 20 73 62 79 79 62   ryl tb..ur sbyyb

0080: 6A 72 71 20 75 72 65 20 67 62 20 66 70 75 62 62   jrq ure gb fpubb

0090: 79 20 62 61 72 20 67 76 7A 72 0D 0A 6A 75 76 70   y bar gvzr..juvp

00A0: 75 20 6F 65 62 78 72 20 67 75 72 20 65 76 74 76   u oebxr gur evtv

00B0: 71 20 65 68 79 72 0D 0A 67 75 72 20 70 75 76 79   q ehyr..gur puvy

00C0: 71 65 72 61 20 73 65 62 79 76 70 78 72 71 20 76   qera sebyvpxrq v

00D0: 61 20 67 75 72 76 65 20 65 62 62 7A 0D 0A 67 62   a gurve ebbz..gb

00E0: 20 66 72 72 20 67 75 72 20 66 75 72 72 63 20 76    frr gur furrc v

00F0: 61 20 66 70 75 62 62 79                           a fpubby

 

and this after nybble swapping

 

0000: 36 26 97 97 C6 02 26 A6 16 27 17 02 26 16 27 02   6&..F.&&.'..&.'.

0010: 97 67 76 76 97 27 02 66 57 27 27 36 D0 A0 67 76   .gvv.'.fW''6P gv

0020: 66 02 37 97 27 27 07 27 02 66 57 26 16 27 02 A6   f.7.''.'.fW&.'.&

0030: 57 67 76 27 02 97 67 87 27 02 66 16 26 A6 D0 A0   Wgv'..g.'.f.&&P

0040: 27 96 27 56 C6 02 56 27 47 67 26 16 02 A6 57 27   '.'VF.V'Gg&..&W'

0050: 56 27 02 36 26 97 97 C6 02 A6 27 16 76 D0 A0 76   V'.6&..F.&'.vP v

0060: 57 27 02 66 57 27 27 36 02 17 67 17 02 66 86 56   W'.fW''6..g..f.V

0070: 27 97 C6 02 47 26 D0 A0 57 27 02 37 26 97 97 26   '.F.G&P W'.7&..&

0080: A6 27 17 02 57 27 56 02 76 26 02 66 07 57 26 26   &'..W'V.v&.f.W&&

0090: 97 02 26 16 27 02 76 67 A7 27 D0 A0 A6 57 67 07   ..&.'.vg''P &Wg.

00A0: 57 02 F6 56 26 87 27 02 76 57 27 02 56 67 47 67   W.vV&.'.vW'.VgGg

00B0: 17 02 56 86 97 27 D0 A0 76 57 27 02 07 57 67 97   ..V..'P vW'..Wg.

00C0: 17 56 27 16 02 37 56 26 97 67 07 87 27 17 02 67   .V'..7V&.g..'..g

00D0: 16 02 76 57 27 67 56 02 56 26 26 A7 D0 A0 76 26   ..vW'gV.V&&'P v&

00E0: 02 66 27 27 02 76 57 27 02 66 57 27 27 36 02 67   .f''.vW'.fW''6.g

00F0: 16 02 66 07 57 26 26 97                           ..f.W&&.

 

& I post it as

 

63 62 79 79 6C 20 62 6A 61 72 71 20 62 61 72 20

79 76 67 67 79 72 20 66 75 72 72 63 0D 0A 76 67

66 20 73 79 72 72 70 72 20 66 75 62 61 72 20 6A

75 76 67 72 20 79 76 78 72 20 66 61 62 6A 0D 0A

72 69 72 65 6C 20 65 72 74 76 62 61 20 6A 75 72

65 72 20 63 62 79 79 6C 20 6A 72 61 67 0D 0A 67

75 72 20 66 75 72 72 63 20 71 76 71 20 66 68 65

72 79 6C 20 74 62 0D 0A 75 72 20 73 62 79 79 62

6A 72 71 20 75 72 65 20 67 62 20 66 70 75 62 62

79 20 62 61 72 20 67 76 7A 72 0D 0A 6A 75 76 70

75 20 6F 65 62 78 72 20 67 75 72 20 65 76 74 76

71 20 65 68 79 72 0D 0A 67 75 72 20 70 75 76 79

71 65 72 61 20 73 65 62 79 76 70 78 72 71 20 76

61 20 67 75 72 76 65 20 65 62 62 7A 0D 0A 67 62

20 66 72 72 20 67 75 72 20 66 75 72 72 63 20 76

61 20 66 70 75 62 62 79

 

Iíve written a little program to do it all.