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Wend Oct 25 2006      Well things are 75% back.  A lot to say & do but no time to night.  Iíll post something major soon.

Tue Oct 24 2006          It died again & I went out and got a new disk drive; I'm a bit of a packrat & have a lot of 1/2 dead hard drives around.

Fri Oct  20 2006          On the morning of my wedding (Sat Oct 14) my main file server failed with a bad boot drive.  Now that phase one of my honeymoon is over & Iím in the process of packing up my systems for the move I was able to find time to rebuild it.  There is still a lot to do & I will Endeavour to get it done before I return to work.


Tuesday September 19 2006  This past Sunday Nancy, Bill & myself took myauís ashes up to Betsyís grave to put him to rest.  I just spread them over the ground.  I like the idea of his Carbon becoming part of the plant life there.  I kept a small vile of ashes as a keep sake.  Below is the label I created for it


Monday September 18, 2006 two weeks ago Nancy & I were all set to do our Rochester to Buffalo ride again. It was to be on the weekend of September 3rd & 4th, it was alos the day after the hurricane passed though. That morning it was Wet & cold but we headed out for the trail anyway. Well the first 19 miles was fine as we were ridding on blacktop but as we headed out of Rochester towage Spencerport the trail turns to packed cinder. Well after all that rain it was like riding in quicksand, my speed that was 14 mph dropped to 10 in the mud. Then after about 2 miles the wind really picked up & I lost another 2-3 mph. Now I was down to 7mph & my 6-8 hour bike ride was going to take me 15 hours to complete. Needless to say I stopped in Brockport, it was the hardest 7 miles I have ever biked. Nancy was not going to be stopped by Mother Nature & headed on. We were meeting her in Albion about 12 miles down the trail. She was late getting there & I have never seen her face so red. But undaunted she still pushed onward. This time we were to meet her in Medina about 15 miles on. She was about 1Ĺ hour late & I was about to go looking for her when she rounded the bend. She was complaining about not being able to gain speed when I noticed that her back tire was completely flat. It seems the she may have ridden with a flat in the mud & again the wind & rain for 5-6 miles. She called it quits, saying that it was the hardest ride she had ever undertaken. Her mother said that "While we were in line for brains we thought that we heard them say trains"

The wedding plans continue to move forward & I'm looking forward to being bored in the coming months and being able to work on my programming projects again
Wednesday August 23 2008 Feeling a bit overwhelmed. So much to do on the home front, work & wedding. I wanted it put up a quick update before I collapsed.

While in Buffalo for Linux training I did a number of bike rides. Some ere along a series of paths along the Erie Canal & one was to the falls(no pictures, I turned back because of traffic). And the last one was along the River Walk Trail along the Niagara River to Lake Erie.
August 17 2006 Linux training

Monday August 14 2006 OK; this may be wish full thinking, trying to do an up date from my hotel in Buffalo. The place has been a bit of a joke. If you're reading this then I was successful. Here is the rundown of events so far. Upon checking in last night I found a washrag floating in the toilet and no internet but being tired the internet outage did not bother me. The toilet on the other had was an issues having to use it. It took them about 1/2 hour to get it out. Am I bad for not doing it my self? I was assured in the morning that they would have it fixed by to night. Seeing from the fact that I'm typing this from Panera Bread cafť I'd say not. They were clueless. After I went to the from desk to complain I was given a 1-800 number to call their ISP Thin Wire. I was told the they could not sign onto the router at the hotel. No kidding! After a bit of a go around with the tech I was told to try again an about 1/2 hour after they called the from desk to reboot some equipment. Well it did not work. So here I sit eating and typing! So what is this great hotel that you should be avoiding? The Comfort Inn at Amherst.

On the Linux class front, it's going great. The class is moving along slower then I need. But I live for this stuff. But I really wanted the Internet so that I could work on it all night.

Some photos I forgot to post August 6 2006 Canadice lake

Thursday Aug. 10 2006 Sad day today. I put my cat "Myau" to sleep. He was over 18 years old. I held him while the vet gave him the shot. It was the single hardest thing I had ever done. I'm going to be building a new page in his memory.

Saturday August 5, 2006 Well there is now a for sale sign in front of my house. I'm asking 44,500. I've had one person look at it. Wow. I'm moving. Not much more to report, life's been busy & boring.

Tuesday July 25, 2006 Just a quick update as Iím behind on everything!  Wow time is flying.  I created a little page for my up and coming wedding.

Frank & Nancy's Wedding

Did you know that the the average American drinks 550 gallons of soda a year!!  I don't know about you but I did not get my share!

Thursday July 13, 2006 Well my birthday had come & gone and Now I'm another year older. Wow! I don't feel 39! Nancy got me a pair of very nice sandal like shoes, bike shorts and a pair of dress shorts. I got my self some new tee shirts, socks and undies. Oh and I bought another bike. It's a Comfort road with disk brakes. It cost me twice as much as my other two bikes combined. I'm finding it hard to get used to the new riding posture & I need to make a few adjustments. But for the most part I'm very happy with it. I'll post some pictures as soon as I take some. My Week has been filed with things for the wedding like typing in address, photos & invitations. So I'm a bit burnt out.

Frank's Tip Of the Day: Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink

June 28 2006 In the absent of my friend Bill I seem to be getting a lot done. Like an update! Not only have I been busy programming from my new endeavor but I seem to have been overtaken by a wave of nostalgic. My first two computers were a Commodore 64 and an Apple IIe. Well a few years back I was able to file copy all 227 of my commodore disk into *.d64 files for use with emulators. Then I did several of my apple disks. So more to the point; now that I'm packing to move I have run across all 2290 of Betsy's & mine Apple disks. (Back in the mid 80's we were the biggest pirates on the east coast). I'm going though then & keeping about 10%. So I went in search of FTP servers with old Apple & Commodore software on them. And BOY did I find them. So I have been downloading EVERYTHING that was written for the apple II & GS as Well as all C=64 & C=128. So far I'm up to 10GB.

I have also gotten around to posting some more pictures of one of the hikes I taken with Nancy. (See below).

This past weekend we toke a hike by the lakes Hemlock & Canadice. All I can say is WOW! If you a chance hike along Canadice. No houses, boats or people. We felt like we were all alone 1000's of miles from Civilization! To hike the Hemlock you'd need climbing gear. Steep ravines 3-4 stories deep, I'm going back with ropes & other support gear. All this and I forgot my camera!      May 28 2006 Stony Brook


Saturday June 24 2006

      Well here it is & and it's almost done. My Software page

Tuesday June 20, 2006 I am really sorry for the lack of updates. Between work, packing, getting married and trying to exercise I have also been working on a dream of mine. I'm putting the polish on pieces of it now. And after I'm done I'll fill you all in.


Friday June 9 2006

New World Man

He's a rebel and a runner
He's a signal turning green
He's a restless young romantic
Wants to run the big machine

He's got a problem with his poisons
But you know he'll find a cure
He's cleaning up his systems
To keep his nature pure

Learning to match the beat of the Old World Man
Learning to catch the heat of the Third World Man

He's got to make his own mistakes
And learn to mend the mess he makes
He's old enough to know what's right
But young enough not to choose it
He's noble enough to win the world
But weak enough to lose it
He's a New World Man...

He's a radio receiver
Tuned to factories and farms
He's a writer and arranger
And a young boy bearing arms

He's got a problem with his power
With weapons on patrol
He's got to walk a fine line
And keep his self-control

Trying to save the day for the Old World Man
Trying to pave the way for the Third World Man

He's not concerned with yesterday
He knows constant change is here today
He's noble enough to know what's right
But weak enough not to choose it
He's wise enough to win the world
But fool enough to lose it
He's a New World Man...

Tuesday May 23 2006 Well I'm on vacation. And as the same as the last time I'm using it to get ready to move. I'm hoping to make time for some bike riding to, weather permitting I have found a place to donate Betsy's old wheelchairs. I also have gone though her jewelry. Yesterday May 22 are the four year anniversary of her death, wow it seems more like 8 years, a lot has happened. Nancy & I attended the lilac festival in Rochester over this past weekend. It was cold and cloudy but enjoyable. See the pictures below.

May 20 2006 Lilac Festival

Monday May 15 2006

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02 74 57 27 56 27 02 E6 56 27 02 76 57 67 16 47
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17 26 B3 02 76 57 67 16 47 66 02 76 57 E6 76 02
65 02 16 27 27 17 02 76 26 02 17 26 B3 02 76 57
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26 16 47 02 F6 86 76 02 65 02 36 86 76 02 A7 C6
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76 57 E6 76 02 65 02 27 16 17 27 17 02 76 57 27
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66 86 F6 77 27 07 76 49 02 F6 86 76 02 76 57 27
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02 47 27 76 02 F6 E6 07 87 02 76 26 E2 02 02 C4
26 86 56 02 36 57 56 E6 66 27 02 39 65 37 02 C6
26 86 02 17 26 02 76 57 E6 76 02 76 57 27 16 02
C6 26 86 02 36 67 66 66 02 A7 27 02 26 37 37 02
27 96 27 16 02 A7 26 56 27 49 02 27 96 27 16 02
A7 26 56 27 F3 02 02 A4 57 E6 76 02 17 67 17 02
65 02 17 26 02 76 26 02 36 67 66 66 02 C6 26 86
02 26 37 37 02 67 16 02 76 57 27 02 37 67 56 66
76 02 36 97 E6 07 27 F3


Tuesday May 2, 2006 I'm am so bad at email, it's such an embarrassment. Sorry all. This past Sunday I was in Rochester with Nancy & we went riding. We did about 22 miles of the canal trail. I was sore! But today I was fine so I thought that I go repeat the abuse, so to strengthen my legs. But about 2.5 miles in my back tire POPed. Oh Well. But on my walk back something occurred to me. My 12 mile route I take to unwind on would be perfect to train for this years buffalo trip. All I have to do is ride it six times in a row for a total 74 miles. It's flat & with a lot of support near by! This week end I'm going to try it twice! Oh and I all most forgot I have a personal message to hand out; To G. M. Go to Hell!

Thursday Morning April 20, 2006 6:00am Well I've been sick again and not sleeping well. I got up today at 3 am because I can't stand just playing there. As I sit here typing a song came on the radio that I have been avoiding; It's "Bobby Goldsboro's Honey". It was one of Betsy's favorites and she told me long ago that it would one day be about her. Well it has since never failed to trigger an emotional response in me. I'm OK, it was not my intention to write about this, I was not going to even list to it but thought better of it. I would rather face my reality & move forward. Now that's out of the way I can't remember what I was going to writeÖÖ Dam it sucks getting older! My senor moments are getting more frequent! Ö Ok This is making more sense to me now. I just reread my last few entrees and the reason that Betsy has been on my mind lately is that her birthday is on this Monday the 24th. That day was important to her. Wow I feel much better having been able to identify that. Please don't get me wrong I'm not trying to hold on to the past just dealing with the memories that I will always have. I am very much in love with Nancy & am looking forward to our future together. In a way Nancy may have started this, you see she was Betsy's friend first and a few weeks ago wanted to talk about Betsy with me. This is something I avoid, but don't know why, well I did it anyway. I'm going to end this weirdness now.



  Friday April 7 2006 I've been a bit Pensive lately; no real issue really. All this week I have been on vacation and during this time I've been packing and throwing things out for my up and coming move. I've come across a lot of memories that needed to be dealt with. The one thing that I believe symbolizes everything is Betsy's wedding dress. She only wore it one day on July 1st 1989. Well today I dropped if off at the salivation army. I could not bring my self to throw it away & keeping it served no purpose so I'll let someone else make the decision. Maybe that lame, I don't know. Yesterday I was mired in all of this when Bill dropped by & he say the mess I was in and he gave me some great advice, he said "Get out & enjoy the great weather" Well I dropped what I was doing & went bike ridding. Thanks Bill it helped a lot.

Thursday March 30 2006 Well my first big ride of the season is over! I did a 20 mile ride after work to humiliate myself.  I was really excepting to do so much better.  I need to buckle down even more!  Iím dead tired, but I still have to get ready for my conference tomorrow & pre-cana on Saturday!  Than and only then can I relax a bit; Iíve taken all of next week off.  For whatÖ maybe some fun?? Nope Iím going to start to pack!  Iím seriously considering putting the house up for sale in June or July.  This is the real scary part for me; this has been my home for the last 11 years! 

On an off note my battle with spam in my guest book continues.  I believe the IP trying to post in it are all zombies from around the world.  So Iíve modified the script to change the directory name several times a day making it impossible for the comprised army of computers to post in it. 


Friday March 17 2006 I sent out the following earlier tonight via email but I thought I'd put it here too. & the pained thing is HEART BURN! repeat this out loud "Hey Idiot!  Lay off the hot peppers!  Your not as young as your once were!"

Ok I know when I have been beaten, I may be down for the count but Iím planning my next offensive as I write this.  What am I going on about you may ask?  Well itís Spam!    Iím getting around 60 per day all of a sudden. It all started about 2 months ago; until then I was getting none! Then BAM buckets of it.  My ultimate goal is to run my own Spam filter like ďspamassianĒ on my new Linux router I built.  But I expect a 3-4 week learning curve.  So in the mean time Iím going to give my self some breathing room & do the unthinkable (again); I am going to change my email address!  I really like ďTimelordĒ so in keeping with the doctor who theme I have chosen ďturloughĒ. Vislor Turlough was the doctorís traveling companion that I most identified with (see link).  It is also to celebrate the fact that ďDoctor WhoĒ comes to the Sci-Fi channel tonight!  Timelord is not going to go away permanently for a while.


Tuesday March 14, 2006 With Pre Cana set for April 1st; I like the fact that Nancy and I are doing it on April fools day! And the church's "Focus" test in hand as well as an appointment for Thursday with Rupert's to over the reception; things are moving right along! Although I'm fighting a bout of the blues at the moment I really don't know why. I think I may be a bit tired. I'm going to hit the hay right after this. I've been fighting with Spam in my guest book for quite some time now! About 6 per day! Well I'm now changing tactics and have spent the night adding several routines to stop it.

OK I'm off to bed; thanks for checking in.
Sunday February 19, 2006 Iím feeling much better!  The antibiotics really kicked its ass. For those not in the know I had pneumonia and have been in a fog for the last 3 weeks; with my brain not getting enough Oxygen.  I did my first exercising in a long time today!  I am now running my entire network off my new Fedora V4 Linux server.  It was a learning curve to say the least.  Iím sure it would have gone much faster had I not been sick.  I can now control all of my machines from anywhere in the world though an encrypted VPN.  I have not tried it yet; I need to into work for that.  But my battery on my car is DOA and will not hold a charge!  Ok back to the router; if build on a old 233mz pc and boots in x-windows.  At full seed it hovers at 12% CPU utilization thatís really more then I want but it will do for now.  Marty has the machine that Iím going to run it on permanently.  On that front his machine will be done this week.

Tuesday February 7, 2006 I am finding it difficult to adjust to my new schedule. Iím dead tired at the moment but I canít sleep. So Iím watching Star Trek and milling around till my normal bedtime of 11:30.

I Melt With You
Modern English
Album "After the Snow" (1982)

Moving forward using all my breath
Making love to you was never second best
I saw the world thrashing all around your face
Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace

I'll stop the world and melt with you
You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time
There's nothing you and I won't do
I'll stop the world and melt with you

(You should know better)
Dream of better lives the kind which never hate
(You should see why)
Dropped in the state of imaginary grace
(You should know better)
I made a pilgrimage to save this human race
(You should see why)
Never comprehending a race that long gone by

(I'll stop the world)
I'll stop the world and melt with you
(I'll stop the world)
You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time
(Let's stop the world)
There's nothing you and I won't do
(Let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and melt with you

The future's open wide

(Let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and melt with you
(Let's stop the world)
I've seen some changes but it's getting better all the time
(Let's stop the world)
There's nothing you and I won't do
(Let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and melt with you

The future's open wide

hmmm hmmm hmmm
hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm
hmmm hmmm hmmm
hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm

I'll stop the world and melt with you
(Let's stop the world)
You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time
(Let's stop the world)
There's nothing you and I won't do
(Let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and melt with you
(Let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and melt with you...


Thursday February 2 2006 Stupid Ground hog saw his shadows but ifs 6 more weeks like this then I say ďBring It On!Ē.  My New linksys router continues to be more unstable then Charles Manson on crack!  Iíve had to reset it 5 times so far this night.  Work on my Linux router continues, it is now about 50% functional, to me that means that I have the easy bugs found & fixed. 

Iím getting over a cold thatís had me laid up for a bit still really tired but at lest Iím sleeping now.  I have to admin that Iím missing my friends a bit and the coffee shop that we used to go to Saturday nights.  Maybe it the suddenly being alone now that Bill is working out of town and is not over as much. 

At the feast of ego
everyone leaves hungry

Friday January 27 2006  I'm tired but wanted to let every body that was checking in that all is well.  emails are piling up & I'm going to be getting to them all.

Remember, it's not,
"How high are you?"
it's "Hi, how are you?"


Tuesday January 17, 2006 The other day I had said that I let something go, Well it sort of came back. I had to take even greater steps to exorcize it from my past. It's not so much that I have forgiven the past but more like I want to forget it. I'm still not sleeping well getting just 4 or so hours a night, I keep waking up in pain, so tonight I'm going to take some antacid & Advil and see if that helps

I'm also having some issues with my new router, its continually crashing when I push it hard. I have 4 machines going full speed all the time running Web/email/ftp, Emule, Limewire, Newsgroup and gaming. I doubt that Linksys had this in mind. My old one was running Linux and had 24mb of memory but the new is running some os the they cooked up with 8mb. I may need to build my own using an old PC. So if things are FlAkeY Well I'm working on it.

Monday January 16 2006 I Fixed my Guest book and added a bunch more Smilies! The ones in blue are the new ones!


















































  Wednesday January 11, 2006  Hello All!  Some of you in the know may have already caught wind of this.  But I want to officially announce it here! 

Drum rollÖ please! 

On Friday Dec 20 at about 11:00 pm just across from the high school I asked Nancy to marry me.  And she said yes. We have only picked a month so far; October 2006 and are working towage the rest of the details. 

Once again my apologies for my lack of updates.  I have no real excuses other than a lack of time. Oh and on a off note; I let something go last night.

   D4 97 02 94 02 E6 56 67 56 27 02
   36 27 F6 37 37 02 D4 96 27 16 E6
   46 16 02 64 56 56 E6 16 57 76 86
   47 97 72 37 02 07 16 47 86 02 16
   76 16 96 E6

Thursday December 15, 2005 Iíve been racking my brains on what to do for Nancy this Christmas.  I have a few gifts picked out but a plane xmas card seemed to little.  I wanted something that would stand out!  Well I have found it.  And seeing how she never visits this site Iím going to tell you.  Iím making her a DVD to Christmas music. Iím creating a slide show of all the pictures Iíve take this year as we were out doing things.   I just did a project like this for a co-worked and I thought it would be a breeze well I was wrong it a bit more involved.

Saturday night late; OK I guess its Sunday morning; Nov 26 2005   Iíve been sick for the first time in over a year, just really run down.  It did not help that I donít have any heat in my car. In fact I blame that of my sickness. You see yesterday I had the day off and I did a log to driving, but the time I hot home I was shaking from head to toe.  I think I exhausted myself trying to keep warm in that icebox of a car.  Oh.. My heater is just fine but the car is stuck on air conditioning.  The truly sad thing is that I had to have it running to keep the windows from fogging over.  I donít know if youíve ever had to Chill cold air but it had to be Ė5f in there!  A drop of spit I put on the dashboard was frozen solid after an hour!  Iíve been sleeping a lot for the last two days; earlier I climbed in to bed around 5ish and cranked the electric blanket up to broil! Now after melting under it for 8 hours Iím wide-awake and feeling great! And itís 2am; lucky me! I cooked it out of me.  This is the first time in months that Iím home on a Saturday night I have too admit Iím a bit lost.

My thanksgiving dinner was a bust, a lot of work and money, feels like a let down.  I did enjoy my self at the Crosbyís! Patty (Nancyís younger sister) had brought down this game call ďName dropperĒ that was a lot of fun. Best of all was Ellenís (Nancyís older sister) attempt at ďinterpretive danceĒ to act out the clues! 

Iíve recently completed a project that Iíve been toying with of a bit; I did this to put off more important things of course.  I now have all 7 of my main PCís set up in such a way so that I can get to any of them from any ware in the works, security I hope!


Thursday Nov 17 2005  Itís a quite night here and for the first time in a while my friend bill is not here playing Civilization III.  Iím sitting here completing programming tonight  & I though Iíd do an update.  Whatís new?  Well Iím in a bit of pain at the moment! Iím sitting in my big easy chair with a heating pad on my back, my bad knee is acting up as well.  It was fun hurting it though.  I went on a hike Sunday with Nancy, it was pretty tough terrain.  All coved with a thick layer of wet leaves.  I thing I was holding myself so ridged an being so careful with each step that I strained my back.  At the moment itís hard to believe that I rode between Rochester and Buffalo and back just 2 month ago! Iíve been doing some light exercising to try to loosen it up some! 

My recover of deleting the wrong drive is over. Did I lose things? You bet I did!   This whole incident has made me rethink how I have my systems set up.  To really fix things I need to rebuild my server and move it to 2003 server.  I have a 25 user version sitting right here.  But when I do this Iím going to be down for about 2 weeks, no web, email and the like!  Do I want to make the plunged?  Well Iím of to program some, need to fix my backup app.


Wednesday Nov 2 2005 Today I was verbally attack by a teacher in front of his students.  I thought very carefully about how I was going to respond but in the end I had no choice but to stand up for myself.  I had gone there to try to understand what he was trying to say with his generalization ďNone of my computers have ever worked right in over 2 years and 2 monthsĒ.  I was bullied by him while a student 20 years ago & I refused to put up with it now.  While in his lab I did find 5 minor issues that took me a total of 2 hours to fix.  None of these had ever been reported as an issue.  I have to believe that his lab and his students are his responsibility first and he needs to be specific as to what is not working. I am not going to do his job for him.  Its narrow minded people that makes me think if ignorance is bless then why arenít more people happy. 

On the home front.  I really Fucked up big time.  I was working on my server and I wanted to redo a temp drive that I had.  See I had made a bad call back when I built it and had set the block size to 64k.  My drives are numbered 1,2 & 3 but the drives letters go C,F,E.  I wanted to redo 3 but it REAL letter was F but I erased E. E had everything on it for the last 25 years of my life.  There is not enough space here to list what I had lost and I do this for a living!  Thank you God for prompting me to make a back up of it all last week! aloth a lot of stuff is missing and i don't know why



Friday October 14, 2005 Hi All; Iíve been so busy all week that Iím a bit lost at the moment.  It feels like I ought to be doing something!   It may be the lack of sleep, which has not been coming easily.  Or maybe itís the bad news I heard at work today, maybe itís not bad, I have not made up my mind yet. 

Ö Takes a brakeÖ.

I was just browsing some site of a few of my friends and it look like my friend Mickey is getting married!  Congratulations Mic!  We trust your judgment but Nancy and I would like to know more about him! I know that thing and been moving 1000mph in all of our lives, it seems like we all never get together any more. The only thing that's Constance is change itself.

I also visited my favorite restaurant web site, The Old Toad, God Iíd love to go back there soon. What a selection of beer! http://theoldtoad.com/

Progress is at a stand still with my CGI project. I guess Iím not as think as I smart I am.

Iím also enjoying ďHarry Potter and the order of the phoenixĒ Dame donít you just hat Pro. Umbridge!  None of my friends that have read it will till me is she gets hers in the end!



Monday October 10 2005 My new bathroom is almost done.  All thatís left is to find a medicine cabinet and some kind of hutch for over the toilet.  I have to say that I love  taking a shower in my own home again.  Iím not going to post any pictures till the whole project is done.

I still not sleeping that great, more weird dreams.  So the other night I found my self getting up at 3am and reading RFCs (Request For Comments) online when I came open the one for CGI (Common Gateway interface).  Wow I thought.  I could write one of these for my web site and really start doing some black magic.  Iíve started it but I have not gotten so far.  My aspirations at the moment is to collect statical data on my site.

Friday October 7, 2005 Last night I slept poorly with a lot of stranger dreams.  One of them in particular left me very disturbed and reminded me of the song below.  This has been on my mind all day and Iíve have been wanting to talk to some one about it but I have not. So I will do it here.  In the dream I was walking though a big hospital pushing Betsy in her wheel chair it took us a long time to get to where we were going and she was frightened.  We got to her room and I put her on the hospital bed and I said ďIíd be right backĒ.  I had to go get someone or something.  But I could not find my back to her, as I searched the panic raised within me, I had to find her.  I awoke in a bolt reaching to where she used to be and in my fright I believed that I had left her somewhere and had just forgotten where & I had to go get her. Then it occurred to me that she might be dead.  It was hard to believe as she was just with me, it felt so real.  That feeling has stayed with me all day.  Iíve had several dreams with similar themes to this one in the first year after her passing.  But it just came to me today thatís just what happened!  I took her somewhere but never brought her home.  What I should have done was to share this dream with Nancy but Iím afraid to.  I finding it hard to reconcile my life now with my life then, I will often say ďIĒ did that instead of ďWeĒ (me and Betsy).  I really donít understand why Iím changing pronouns. 


Electric Prunes
I Had Too Much To Dream

turn up your speakers

Last night your shadow fell upon my lonely room
I touched your golden hair and tasted your perfume
Your eyes were filled with love the way they used to be
Your gentle hand reached out to comfort me
Then came the dawn
And you were gone
You were gone, gone, gone
I had too much to dream last night
Too much to dream
I'm not ready to face the light
I had too much to dream
Last night
Last night

The room was empty as I staggered from my bed
I could not bear the image racing through my head
You were so real that I could feel your eagerness
And when you raised your lips for me to kiss
Came the dawn
And you were gone
You were gone, gone, gone

[repeat chorus 2X]

Oh, too much to dream
Oh, too much to dream
Too much to dream last night
Oh, too much to dream
[repeat to fade]


Monday September 26, 2005 Part of the reasons that I have not made any updates for a while was because a friend of mine has been over every night for weeks.  Well heís gotten him self in some trouble and wonít be around for a bit.  There has also been WORK!   Well itís not the work but a hand full of snotty nasty people that I have to deal with.  Last Thursday one of them told me that ďBy Law, you have to give me {my petty demand}Ē.  Was she threatening to sue me over being over worked or under appreciated? I walked away.  Rotten apples!   

I have finished writing a little utility that creates a boat load of traffic on a network for diagnostic purposes. Iím now working on a program that searches student shares and emails the results nightly.  I can be as sneaky as they can.   

At the moment I have no bathroom, itís been gutted. Soon it will be reborn.  Iíve been taking pictures of the mess. Joe the guy who is doing it said the heís only seen worst in condemned buildings!  

A little humor

*When Tom's wife came home Sunday afternoon to find the kitchen and

living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and Tom on the couch having done nothing but drink beer and watch football all day, she yelled, "Watch yourself, mister, or you're going to make me do something I don't want to do!" 

"Wow," Tom thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a blowjob out of this!"