New Medications for Women
D a m i t o l Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
St. M o m 's W o r t Plant extract which treats mom's depression by rendering pre-schoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
E m p t y N e s t r o g e n Highly effective suppository which eliminates maternal melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers, and how you couldn't wait 'til they moved out of the house.
P e p t o b i m b o Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out substantially increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting effectiveness.
D u m b e r o l When taken withPeptobimbo, can cause extremely low I.Q., and eliminate inhibitions, leading to enjoyment of country & western music.
F l i p i t o r Increases the life expectancy of female commuters by controlling road rage and their urge to "flip off" male drivers.
M e n i c i l l i n Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases hormonal resistance to such tempting lines as, "You make me really want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
B u y a g r a Injectable stimulant taken prior to a shopping foray which stimulates/increases desire, satisfaction and duration of spending spree.
J a c k A s s p i r i n Relieves headaches caused by the man who can't remember your birthday, your anniversary, or to paint the living room.
A n t i t a l k s i d e n t An aerosol spray carried in a purse or wallet for use by females too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
S e x c e d r i n More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a bad headache," syndrome.
R a g a m e t When administered to a husband, provides the same deep irritation/resentment as ragging on him all weekend, saving wifey the time and trouble of doing it herself.
A n t i b o y o t i c s When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.